I have a good life but I just can’t be happy, no matter what I do the depression always consumes me. An insomniac since birth, I’m up night and day and always so lonely. I feel like life has left me. I’m just a shell with no reason to be. God, I’m so, so empty! No one understands how I feel and they never will because it’s too complex to believe. So I’ll do what I’ve always done. Hold the tears in until I’m too sad to cry and laugh out loud though I’m dying inside, while reciting a silent prayer in hopes that one day, life will come back to me and there by my side will be somebody.

I’m suffocating…

Panic! Pressure! Pain! Living!

Help me breathe again?

© 2011 Jennifer L. Brooks

Pills are my meal.

Alcohol my water.

Strange the new normal.

So serene in this inverted world.

Always in a fog.

Don’t care at all.

I no longer hear fear call.

I swallow pill after pill just to feel real.

My days are a maze.

At night I hallucinate.

My mind lazy.

This addiction is holding me hostage.

My body numb.

Irrational mood.

My conduct so lewd.

Have I gone too far? I don’t know what to do.

So much rage!

So, so ill.

Talking crazy.

Need intervention. I’m too weak to save me.

Pills are dulling.

Alcohol drowns.

I’m falling down.

Conflictive addiction. I need that relief, though I know it’ll end in grief.

I want to live again.

Not just exist.

It’s up to me to end this.

© 2011 Jennifer L. Brooks

Trying to get my blog going (it will mostly be my writing and about writing) poetry, short stories, vents, blurbs, quotes and thoughts here and there so I'll be spamming it with new and old writing for a while. I hope you enjoy. :) Just a little background on me. I began writing at the age of 12 as a form of therapy, (I have suffered from anxiety, depression and insomnia all my life and went though some very dark times) hence the “Spill Ink Not Blood” url. I would like to make people realize that there are other ways of dealing with the pain that life can sometimes bring upon them. Reach for a pen, not a knife, pills or alcohol the next time you feel life is getting the best of you and see what you can create. If you find writing isn’t your thing then by all means try something else that will ease the hurt and fill the emptiness in you. As a teenager I wrote several screenplays but I doubt I will ever let any of them see the light of day, I prefer writing poetry and novels anyway. I don't always follow the "rules" of writing, especially when it comes to poetry. When I write a poem I usually do it in several minutes (just raw emotion spills on the page) I don't contemplate every single word, the rhyme scheme etc. as much as I probably should, if I did my poetry would probably be a lot better but I'm full of passion and my thoughts and feelings tend to burst out. I don't think about what I'm writing, I FEEL it. I'm EMOTIVE!